144: When Your Past is Haunting Your Present with RachelCategories
: #PersonalGrowth, #Podcast, #Podcasts, #RelationshipAdvice.
This call is about creating your future instead of reliving your past. Today’s caller, Rachel, has a deep fear of loss. When her husband cheated on her, she felt as though she forgave him but she is having trouble getting over it and on with the life she wants.
Usually when there is cheating the person who has been cheated on blames themselves or wonders what they did wrong. Anyone who has been cheated on has done nothing wrong. Choose to let go, accept that it happened, let it go, heal the past and create the future you desire.
Anything you are thinking about SO much that you feel a payoff just from thinking about it, I encourage you to get the payoff in a different, more supportive way. Instead, think about a goal or experience that lights you up. Choose to let it go so you can enjoy the present and create your future rather than reliving your past.
For example, If you keep thinking about a mistake you made instead of beating yourself up over and over again, think about how you will apply the lessons you learned to a future event.
Not allowing ourselves to go backward requires conscious discipline. We cannot just feel our feelings and forget about it. We have to be committed to shifting our thoughts.Consider/Ask Yourself
•Is there something from your past you feel have forgiven and gotten over but you continue to think about it?
•Are there things from your past you haven’t dealt with so they haunt your present?
•Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?
•Have people in your life died or abandoned you in some way that you fear loss so much it impacts your ability to open your heart to love?Rachel’s Question
•Rachel wants to get over the pain of adultery and on with her relationship.Rachel’s Key Insights and Ahas
•Her husband cheated.
•She hasn’t forgiven herself.
•She sweeps things under the rug.
•She lost many people in her life.
•She’s comfortable being sad and scared.
•She had a codependent relationship with her mother.
•She lacks a sense of self.
•She was in denial about her mother’s death.
•She projects her issues on to her girls.How to Get Over It and On With It:
•She needs to work with a professional or coach to work through her issues.
•She should read Expectation Hangover
•She needs to love and forgive herself.Assignments For You
If there is something you are stuck on write in your journal using the sentence starter ‘This reminds me of…’ and ‘I’ve felt like this before’ to see what memories come up.
If you have a lot of emotion coming up that you are having a hard time managing get some help. Don’t let money be the reason you don’t get help.
If you are feeling triggered or can’t get over something, Expectation Hangover is the holistic way to get over any type of disappointment.
If you are in the sadness or victim zone, bring more fun and pleasure into your life.