How To Always Love Yourself First...
1. Stop caring about how you look.
Yes, we live in a society obsessed with beauty. There’s no two ways about it. We’re raised to admire beautiful people: successful actors & models with dimpled grins, defined waists, & toned arses. As a result, we inherently associate our perceptions of attractiveness with success & happiness.
Think about it: the people who know and love us the most really couldn’t care less about our weight, skin tone, or hairstyle.
If we really want love — the kind that lasts — we must first hold our pride in what we do, not how we look. We must hold it in our ability to write beautiful words, or paint striking paintings, or explore creatively that for which we’re passionate. These are qualities a future date will remember. It won’t be the dress or the shoes or the shade of your lipstick. Trust me. It will be the passion in your voice.
2. Let go.
If we’re to redefine the love in our lives, we must first attempt to reconcile previous experiences of heartache. We tend to carry around the tiny fragments of failed relationships, folded up neatly in our breast pockets. We let them weigh us down; allow their judgement to dictate our confidence, their disappointment to taint our optimism.
Here’s the deal: we’ve all been hurt. We’ve all been let down. We’ve all had that someone who didn’t message back, or loved our money more than us, or treated our hearts like monkey-meat. We’ve all been left feeling exposed & vulnerable & weak, our trust abused & our egos bruised. We can’t resent these feelings, for that would be handing them more power than they deserve. That would be handing over our futures.
We need to forgive. We need to move on. We need to let go.
3. Don’t compare yourself.
Life’s not a race. Love’s not a race. Stop competing.
Yes, what’s-her-name might be in a longterm relationship and kicking major goals at work, while you’re still single as hell. Who cares? Life has a funny way of evening out in the end, it just takes everyone a different amount of time. Chill.
Remember, she is probably looking at your life & wishing she had the same level of wealth, independence and freedom. It’s important to enjoy your own pasture, safe in the knowledge that it’ll grow & thrive at its own pace.
4. Get healthy.
This isn’t about the way you look; it’s about the way you feel. Try swapping the rush of wine for the rush of endorphins. Rediscover the beauty of Sunday mornings. Sit in the sun, read the newspaper form educated opinions on politics, drink a green smoothie and take a spin class.
Let yourself be that annoying, overtly ‘together’ person — the one w the inner glow. Why? Bc you deserve it.
5. Travel alone.
There’s nothing quite as empowering as getting completely lost in a foreign country by yourself. buy yourself a plane ticket to somewhere you’ve never been. Wake up & know you have nowhere to be, no deadlines to meet, & nobody to see. Turn your phone off. See the local attractions. Walk everywhere. Try a cocktail you can’t pronounce. Smile for no reason.
Let yourself become totally disconnected from the world as you know it — and realize you’re okay by yourself.
6. Know what you deserve.
It’s corny, but true: “We only accept the love we think we deserve.”
You deserve someone who loves regardless, when your hair’s in knots & your mascara’s smudged, someone who remembers the way you take your coffee, who takes the time to learn all your insecurities, & why exactly you have them. You deserve someone who doesn’t judge you, someone who offers up assurance, not through not through their words, but through their actions, some one who thinks you're perfect and loves you bc you have flaws, and so do they.
You deserve someone who makes you feel beautiful, someone who makes you feel special. You deserve to be someone’s first priority. Some one who loves you not your money or the visa you can get him to leave his country.
And in good time, chances are that you’ll find that person.
But for now, that person has to be you.