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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
Гео и язык канала
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Юмор и развлечения
Добавлен в индекс
26.05.2017 12:28
Мониторинг упоминаний ключевых слов в каналах и чатах.
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Репосты и упоминания канала
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Feelings Unleashed
марш мизантроп
mamode wan meem
Rey's Cowboy Saloon
Feelings Unleashed
mamode wan meem
Каналы, которые цитирует @Sickipedia
Последние публикации
С упоминаниями
Sickipedia 26 Jan, 19:15
My friend once told me, "Your wife and daughter look like twins!"
I replied, " Yeah well, they were separated at birth"

Sickipedia 26 Jan, 16:45
I feel for the poor people in these cold trying months. They have to decide if they want to spend their meagre money on food, heating or a new tattoo.

Sickipedia 26 Jan, 13:45
A child asks his father what "gay" means
The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".

Sickipedia 26 Jan, 09:45
What does 6.9 mean?
Another great thing ruined by a period

Sickipedia 25 Jan, 19:45
A guy in a bar bets the bartender $50 that he can lick his eyeball
The bartender agrees

The man takes his glass eye out, and bites it

The bartender angrily gives the man his money

The man bets the bartender $500 dollars that he can bite his other eyeball too

The bartender agrees to the bet, because the man was not blind

The man pulls out his dentures and lightly chomps them on his other eyeball

The bartender is fuming, but gives the man his money

The man then orders a beer, and walks away

The man walks back, and bets the bartender $1000 that he can piss directly into a shot glass while running, with 2 attempts

The bartender knows for a fact that this is impossible, and agrees to the bet

On attempt 1, the man gets piss everywhere, and none in the shot glass

The bartender smirks, with high hopes

On attempt 2, the man once again pisses everywhere in the bar, except for the glass

The bartender jumps up and down in excitement, knowing that he has won

Then another man in the corner of the bar screams 'FUCK'

When the bartender asks what the problem is, the man says,
"That asshole just bet me $10,000 that he could piss all over the bar, and that you would be happy"

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Sickipedia 25 Jan, 16:15
After 37 years I’m finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I’ve accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means...
...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50

Sickipedia 25 Jan, 13:15
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can fuck me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can fuck me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

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Sickipedia 25 Jan, 08:45
How do you get 20 Canadians out of a pool on a hot summer day?
Blow a whistle and say, "Everyone out of the pool, please!” How do you get 20 Americans out of a pool on a hot summer day? Blow a whistle and say, "For your own good and the safety of others, stay in the fucking pool!”

Sickipedia 24 Jan, 19:15
German adults are mean
German kids are kinder.

Sickipedia 24 Jan, 16:15
I don't know what "procrastinate" means.
I think I'll look it up later

Sickipedia 24 Jan, 13:45
A woman tries getting on a bus but realizes her skirt is too tight.

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind to unzip her skirt a little, thinking this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
She tries to take the step, but only to discover that she could not.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reaches behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

After becoming quite frustrated and embarrassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt more in order to allow more legroom to get on the first step of the bus.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her, picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! ! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times I kinda figured we were friends."

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Sickipedia 24 Jan, 10:15
They say “when pigs fly” means impossible
But how come we have swine flu?

Sickipedia 23 Jan, 19:15
Thanks to the advance of science, a 75 years old lady got pregnant and had a baby.
When she returned home with the baby from the Maternity Ward, her friends went to visit her.
“Where is the baby? Let’s see him!” Said her friends.
-“Wait for a while””. I’ll show him to you later”.
Half an hour later, the old lady had not showed the baby yet.
Her friends insisted:
“We want to see your baby..How long it will take yet?
Old lady answered: “ I will show him to you when he cries”
Friends: “ But why do we need to wait until he cries?”
The old lady answered: “Because I don’t remember where I put him!”

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Sickipedia 23 Jan, 16:15
Election and Erection are almost spelled the same. They both mean the same thing too.
A dick rising to power

Sickipedia 23 Jan, 13:45
A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the young man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Next the frog yells, "Okay okay, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you FOREVER and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the young man took the frog out, then he chuckled at it and put it back in his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you forever, and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The young man said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

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Sickipedia 23 Jan, 09:15
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police:

Hello, is this 911?

Yes, what is your emergency?

I called to inform you that you're 910 now.

Sickipedia 22 Jan, 21:45
"Joe Biden's adorable eight-month-old grandson Beau steals the show"

So what? His son Hunter stole $50 million.

Sickipedia 22 Jan, 19:15
A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this odd so he mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian." So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.

They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as Christian's. The Rabbi listened, thought for a minute and then said "That's odd. I also sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian.

So the three of them decide to go to Israel to find out what's going on over there. They arrive and go straight to the Western Wall to pray. They explain to God all about how they sent their sons to Israel as Jews and how they all returned as Christians.

There is a long silence, and then God begins to speak saying, "That's odd I sent . . ."

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Sickipedia 22 Jan, 16:45
A worker at a cucumber factory had this strange urge...

He wanted to stick his dick into the cucumber cutter. The urge was growing and growing until he decided to visit a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist found that the only way to heal the urge was to actually go ahead and do it.

The next day the worker came home early, his wife asked why. Ashamed, he admitted he had this urge to stick his dick into the cucumber cutter, went to the psychiatrist, who told him to do it so he went ahead and did it. So he got fired immediately.

His wife in shock checked whether everything was ok with his "belongings". Everything was fine... so she asked: "What happend to the cucumber cutter?"

Worker: " I think she got fired, too!"

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Sickipedia 22 Jan, 13:45
Two men are playing golf when one realises he's left his jacket at the last tee
He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back. "What's up?" asks his mate. "Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress." His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you." He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."

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